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[Back to index of April 2007 articles] FAMILY MATTERS: By Margaret M. Treadwell Every American traveling abroad is an ambassador at this time when international perceptions of our country are hideously unfavorable. “Aren’t you afraid to go to Egypt?” was the first question family and friends asked when our top travel dream became a reality due to my husband’s business commitment. It’s a sad commentary that we marked our luggage with Canadian baggage tags because we’d heard Egyptians prefer our neighbors to the north. How misinformed we were! We never felt threatened as we freely roamed through the country making Muslim friends during our recent visit. Egypt means “fertile land” and “cradle of life,” thanks to the Nile River and the diversity of its people – one civilization of harmonious cultures. Everyone we met – professionals, businessmen (and a few women), ministers of tourism, guides, homemakers and peasants – embraced us and lamented that Americans seldom visit since 9/11. They in turn are daunted by all the red tape now required to travel to America. One Egyptian scholar named the truth: “Everybody has a friend in the states and we wanted to support you in 2001. The anger and misunderstanding is toward your political system: the invasion of Iraq opened the door for our extremists to call you the extremists. But when I am open, communicate with individuals and learn from you, I see that our similarities are greater than our differences.” Specifically, Egyptians want peace, health, education and a good life for their families from generation to generation. A deeply spiritual nation, 90 percent are Sunni Muslims and 8 percent Coptic Christians. They are proud that there is religious harmony, and most teach their children about the commonality of Islam, Judaism and Christianity, Mohammed, Moses and Jesus, whom they consider the primary prophets under one God. Our Cairo hosts gave us a book entitled “The Holy Family in Egypt,” about the special significance they attribute to the fact that the infant Jesus and his parents found haven in Egypt after fleeing from the persecution of King Herod. We visited the Hanging Church in Old Cairo, one of the oldest landmarks in Christendom in the orient, and other sites where the Holy Family is believed to have stayed. Although life is changing and educated young people increasingly are leaving for overseas opportunities, family ties are extremely close in Egypt. Men and women were eager to tell me about their lives. Rasha, a 26-year-old Luxor government worker, said, “A woman is looking for the good life which means stability, a husband and children. We used to have arranged marriages from age 14. Today marriages are seldom arranged. We marry between 30-36 years. We can’t afford marriage with our high expenses and low starting salaries, and living together before marriage is not allowed like it is in some other countries.” Paradoxically, husbands are allowed to have more than one wife if their first wife agrees. Rasha lives at home with three younger siblings where her parents take care of them while they finish school and work until marriage. She is expected to marry first as the eldest sister, but she is not allowed to date. “It is permissible to meet someone at university, a wedding, an approved club or at work,” she says. “We may not speak of love, only of life – family, friends, education, religion and job.” The next steps in courtship are rigid for men and women. Ahmed, a brilliant antiquities guide, explained, “First I met my wife at a wedding of a friend. Next, I had to figure out how to see her in groups again. Once I believed a relationship was possible, I sent the family a note describing myself and asking to meet them. After they had a chance to “check me out,” I took a present for a home visit. Only after they knew me well could I ask her parents for her hand in marriage and set a wedding date.” He considers himself a liberated man who is helping to raise two children. With jobs scarce and family ties strong, most women become homemakers. Rasha says, “I’m a good woman and I pray that God will find a suitable man for me. After marriage, I want to have a child within one year so the family will stop asking me about babies. Unless my parents can take care of them, I want to stay home with my children.” In fact, every working mother I met said her babies were fortunate to have grandparent nannies. There is absolutely no substitute for going out, observing and touching a foreign country and people to know that human connection is crucial to correcting global misunderstandings. Margaret M. “Peggy” Treadwell is a family psychotherapist. She is the director of The Counseling Center at St. Columba’s, Washington, D.C. For information about the center or to make an appointment, call 202/363-9779 or visit www.columba.org. [Back to index of April 2007 articles]
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