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[Back to index of January articles] FAMILY MATTERS : By Margaret M. Treadwell "Honey, I've been fired!" My husband's words spoken in 1983 during a major recession still ring vividly enough to feel like yesterday. Shock. Grief. Anger. Acceptance. We compared our emotions to stages of death and felt unprepared for the stigma attached to job loss in that day. My way of healing was to research and create a seminar for coping strategies called "Job Loss and the Survivors." We learned how families that focus primarily on their own positive response to a trauma generally heal faster and often develop a higher capacity for dealing with crisis as a result of their encounter with challenge. This growth depended on two factors: the ability of one person-not usually the job-seeker-to take leadership of the family, and the way in which the family had been organizing and managing itself prior to the trauma. In Monster Careers: How to Land the Job of Your Life, Jeff Taylor writes that 50 years ago the average job tenure was 23 ½ years, but that by 1996 the figure had dropped to 3 ½ years. Today, people entering the work force are likely to have eight jobs by age 32 and as many as 20 jobs in their careers! Call it what you want - downsizing, right-sizing, restructuring, de-layering, outsourcing - fewer corporations (or employees) honor the loyalty demonstrated in the past. In one case, a well educated, savvy young banker was fired, then, within two weeks, rehired by another division in the same company. Her new boss had long wanted her to join his team but hadn't known that his colleague in the next office was letting her go! Her summary of this bizarre circumstance: "Trust your institution for security and stability at your own risk. I've decided to regard any job as temp work from now on." Creative thinking is imperative to survival in the current work climate. One seasoned young job seeker said, "The responsibility is on the employee not the employer to find job satisfaction. What defines job satisfaction will vary from person to person but ultimately it is the employee that needs to be in charge of his or her own path." Career counselor Prue Hoppin advises those seeking employment or striving to prevent job loss to focus on their competencies and character. She says, "The best job insurance policy is a track record of success that demonstrates your value to present or future employers. Keep developing needed skills, pay attention to changes in the marketplace, and stay flexible - so you continue to add value in your current position and are prepared to market yourself with confidence to a new employer if needed." She also believes it's worth the investment of time to step back and reflect more broadly on how we want to use our gifts and talents in our jobs and in our lives. Operating out of a deep, thoughtful place brings back a locus of control and helps us manage uncertainty while becoming wise about choices or our need for additional training. In Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes,William Bridges delineates a three step transition process in which important questions need to be asked:
A wife and mother who became the family's leader during her husband's job search thoughtfully responded to these questions: "I trust my husband totally: he knows what's best for him and will make good decisions. I let go being his career counselor and focused on developing my own business to help the family. We support each other in our mutual goal: to have work we enjoy that will help us provide the balance we need for a healthy, happy family. Job loss has taught us the positives of a simpler life and the importance of faith." This clear position signals to the job seeker that he doesn't need to feel responsible for the other's emotional health, freeing him to move forward while staying connected with the family. Margaret M. "Peggy" Treadwell is a family psychotherapist. She is the director of The Counseling Center at St. Columba's,Washington, D.C. [Back to index of January articles]
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