June 2005: Generation X

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By The Rev. Dr. Raewynne J. Whiteley
Washington Window
Vol. 73, No. 7, June 2005

The Rev. Dr. Raewynne J. Whiteley is vicar of Trinity Episcopal Church in Swedesboro, NJ, editor of the preaching section of Anglicans Online, and co-editor of “Get Up Off Your Knees: Preaching the U2 Catalog.” This article is excerpted from her presentation to last fall’s Regional Assembly of Regions 4 and 5 at St. Paul's, Rock Creek.

Generation X has been tagged the "first generation raised without religion." People aged 23 through 43 are in many ways at the peak of their energy and enthusiasm, often doing very well professionally - they're just not very present in the church, particularly in leadership roles.

So what can we do so members of Generation X will not only come through our church doors, but stick around long enough to become part of the community of faith? I'd like to suggest six things that may help us make a beginning. I'm no expert on these, but they are things that I've observed in my parishioners and my friends.

First, Xers come by invitation. Personal invitation. I've had the odd person tell me they found us on the Web or saw the church sign, but the ones who have stayed originally came because someone said to them: "You know, I go to this great church. Would you like to come along?" I know it's not a particularly Episcopalian thing to do, but my peers like to be invited. I've even heard rave reviews of the Missouri Synod church planter who has been door-knocking at homes in the area. People don't seem to mind a stranger telling them about religion, as long as it seems to be authentic and inviting. But even better if it's a friend or neighbor. Especially if those people sit with them during the service and show them what to do.

Second, Xers stay because of relationships. They won't keep coming just because it's the thing to do. But they will keep coming if they know that you really care about them. They will keep coming if they know you love their kids. What that means in practice, is inviting them - to share meals, to participate in church activities, to share your lives.

Third, Xers don't know how to be in church. Most of us have no experience. If we came at all, we were in Sunday School and then youth group, but we never actually got to be adults in church. We don't know about liturgy. We don't know the music. We don't know about pledging. We don't know that most everything is done by volunteers. We don't know what it is to be a community. We're not stupid; we just don't know.

So please help us. Don't patronize us, but tell us what we need to know, from the very beginning. Sit beside us in church and help us with the books. Introduce us to pledging. Invite us to become involved in a particular activity. Help us experience what it means to be part of the people of God.

Fourth, Xers don't assume that what works for someone else will work for us: we have to try it for ourselves. Experience, experience, experience. Sometimes we need to reinvent the wheel, just so we know that this faith thing is really true, that it's really authentic. So give us a chance to do that - and walk alongside us if you can stand the slow pace. We're a lot less interested in ready-made packages than in discovering faith for ourselves, even if it's a bit messy on the way. I have two parishioners who have been coming for about six months. They originally came to get their baby baptized. They're in church almost every week, and when they heard the bishop was going to visit, they asked if they could be received. "Sure," I said. Then a couple of weeks before the visit, they asked if they could put it off. "It's not that we don't want to be received," they said, "it's just that this is so important to us that we really want to make sure we're ready."

Fifth, Xers belong by doing. That's how we grew up. Parents depended on us to look after our siblings after school, sports teams depended on us to show up. That's what it means to belong. So if we're scheduled, you can be sure we'll be there. But if not, we might not make it.

This drives me crazy. Fifty percent of my congregation only shows up every second or third or fourth week. They are absolutely reliable when they're reading or ushering or whatever, but not there when they're not. I have no easy answers on this. Short of scheduling half my members every Sunday, I haven't worked out how to encourage them to come more regularly - they just don't think in terms of presence as belonging.

Sixth, for Xers, faith has to make a difference to be believable. Most of us really don't care about modernism's questions about the virgin birth and the resurrection. We're perfectly happy for those to be true - after all, science is showing us that there is far more out there than we can ever understand. What matters is whether this faith makes a difference. What matters is that it connects with our lives, that it feeds our souls. Otherwise why bother?

So for most of us, you don't need to go into long explanations of which things Jesus actually said and which he didn't. We're not particularly interested in debates about creation versus evolution. We're more likely to read Julian of Norwich than Jack Spong. So tell us about how faith makes a difference. Even better, show us.

And finally, don't apologize. This is the Episcopal Church. We're not Baptists or Orthodox, or non-denominational or Methodists. And that's fine. If Xers come to the Episcopal Church, they know they are coming to the Episcopal Church. We fill a particular niche in the religious landscape. We offer liturgy, tradition, a sense of groundedness, and those are things that many Xers are yearning for. Xers are searching for authentic faith, and if that comes with traditional hymns and incense, so be it. It may come in more experimental forms as well, but it must always come out of the lived faith of the community, not out of some superficial desire to be attractive. What we want, above all, is to find a place where we can be welcomed for who we are, and invited to discover a life-giving and life-shaping faith, in the companionship of people and a God who will dare to love us.

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