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[Back to index of March 2007 articles] FAMILY MATTERS: By Margaret M. Treadwell "This could be the best time of your life, because only the important things are left," says Alice Kinter, who has been managing her ovarian cancer since 2002 when she was told her chances of survival were only 30 percent. Her neighbor, Rip Coffin, whose malignant tumor in the esophagus was diagnosed in 2005 adds, "Lots of people have cancer. It's attitude about the process of moving toward health that makes the difference." Both agreed that their older age was a benefit in knowing that life is short and to live fully each day. The three of us recently gathered in Alice's warm kitchen to talk about their respective cancers and healing processes, especially the following three points that we hoped would be useful for others: 1) Research and find the best possible health care professionals in whom you have confidence and whose personalities fit with yours. This means finding a doctor who, in addition to knowing his or her medical practice, has a calm presence and sense of humor. Both Alice and Rip found doctors who believe in cancer management rather than palliative care and who understood that a big piece of the healing involves management of anxiety about the disease. In fact, when these two cancer patients practiced calm and playfulness, their doctors became less intense and anxious themselves. Alice said that during one point in her search, when she heard the implications that she was a "goner," she got mad, decided that the doctor was out of touch and quickly moved away from him to find a better match. She said, "When I was told not to have hope, I sought better medical care and took control of my health outside the physical." Rip's best strategy was to find Johns Hopkins, an institution that could take care of all aspects of his cancer, where he created a "plan of attack" with his doctors while simultaneously working with his longtime spiritual director. Question: How have you dealt with crisis in the past? 2) Develop a strong network of relationships. Rip decided early on to write a journal about the facts of his illness along with theological reflections. When he began sending excerpts to others, his network of support grew to include around 200 extended family members and friends. His wife's extraordinary caretaking, one daughter's position as a lab technician at the National Institutes of Health, and another daughter's strength in battling her breast cancer diagnosed in 2004, helped him see the light at the end of the tunnel. His current plans are to weave together his journal entries with a narrative about his experience. Alice stressed the importance of her husband and relatives. "There is a strength that seems to flow through the blood and enhance other relationships," she says. This eventually provided energy to build a larger system of two cancer support groups and continue her active participation in her church, her book groups and volunteer activities. She resolved to stay involved in the world without letting the cancer consume her. Question: What relational binds are complicating your familial or professional life? Could they compromise your integrity and your body's ability to make an optimal response? 3) Create a positive outlook that you can make it by learning to rely on your intuition and strengths. He wrote in his journal about gratitude for a spiritual life including the names of people who have been important on his journey. He kept questions of mortality at bay by accentuating strengths he already had in place to help him make healthy decisions, including the laying on of hands at his church's healing rite. He said, "I'm steeped with confidence that death is not the final answer." Alice said that she always prays for others rather than herself, and when she learned meditation it saved her life. For balance in body, mind and spirit, she added Reiki to this discipline as well as acupuncture and massage therapy. She's eager to begin work with Suburban Hospital's newly created Center for Mind Body Medicine and delighted that "the medical profession is coming around from being scared of what they have no control over." She says that her faith in life and mankind - the goodness people give to each other - gives her reason to live. Question: Does the function of your faith give you a broader perspective on life? Margaret M. "Peggy" Treadwell is a family psychotherapist. She is the director of The Counseling Center at St. Columba's, D.C. For information about the center or to make an appointment, call 202/363-9779 or visit www.columba.org. [Back to index of March 2007 articles]
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