| |
 |
|
[Back to index of May articles]
By Margaret M. Treadwell
Washington Window
Vol. 75, No. 6, May 2006
"The only thing certain is death and taxes," my grandmother used to say. Life expectancy in the United States was 49 years when she married in 1901. Today there are 50,000 of us over 100, and on average we live 77 to 81 years. A new study conducted by bio-gerontologists at the University of Texas claims that by 2050 some Americans will live to be 150 and older. A culture fearful of looking death straight in the eye, we have become pioneers of aging, whether we like it or not.
"That's terrible news. I don't recommend living this long!" says my 96-year-old mother. She should know, with her fragile health and chronic pain, not to mention the sad decade she cared for my father struggling with Alzheimer's. Her challenges so far have brought out her strengths - a sharp mind, avid curiosity and interesting relationships with people of all ages. Her one birthday gift request was nice note paper to stay in touch with her friends, testimony to the continuing quality of a life well lived and the importance of staying involved with something outside one's self.
Seeking to discover how families survive chronic illness with perseverance and hope, I've recently had conversations with my mother, a revered neighborhood couple who has courageously faced his Job-like afflictions since retirement, and St. Columba's senior ministries coordinator Pat Davis, who sees her job as making people aware of the many resources for the elderly and their caregivers.
The following eight principles emerged as important themes in aging well or helping someone to age well:
- Accept reality. It's a shock in the beginning to absorb the diagnosis of a chronic illness. Have patience as you grow into acceptance of the change. It takes time. Art Linkletter wrote in Old Age is Not for Sissies, "Never fill my cup, let me go on growing up."
- Plan ahead rather than waiting until something happens. Contact your parish for information about Episcopal Senior Ministries, Iona Senior Services and the many area-wide government funded agencies that help with issues of aging. Learn about geriatric care managers who can be hired to help with housing, transportation, health care, financial management and legal services.
- Ask for help. Aging can be isolating, especially for people who have spent years of their lives savoring their independence. But it is possible to lean on others without becoming dependant, especially if you ask the right questions, even of your doctors. Develop a support system such as family, friends, professional helpers or your spiritual community. If the church has anything to say to anybody, it should be to seniors who can neither produce nor consume but whose importance lies in valuable dimensions beyond the merely material.
- Talk to your extended family about how they have handled chronic illness in the past. Become intentional about whether you want to duplicate caretaking from previous generations or change the pattern by making different choices.
- Stay focused on long term goals and develop your passions. Do not let the illness consume you. Work on the balance of commitment necessary to see a project through without making it the axis of your life.
- Speak directly to an elderly person as if she understands rather than talking over her to someone else. She may be a bit slow to respond, but her responses are filtered through wisdom. Even though it is impossible to reason with a person whose diagnosis is dementia or Alzheimer's, continue to tell her the truth about the situation as it unfolds.
- Celebrate the period of aging and chronic illness as a profoundly spiritual time because it involves surrender and presents an opportunity to confront our mortality. It's an adventure to live with faith and integrity, finding the gifts and lessons of this stage in life. Open and listening to life as it comes, we don't have to be artists to create inner lives that are works of art. Never underestimate the power of your words and actions for your children and future generations.
- Faith. Fear not.
"Sustain them, O Lord, in your Holy Spirit. Give them an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere, a spirit to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works. Amen." -- The Book of Common Prayer (Holy Baptism)
Margaret M. "Peggy" Treadwell is a family psychotherapist. She is the director of The Counseling Center at St. Columba's, Washington, D.C. For information about the center or to make an appointment, call 202/363-9779 or visit www.columba.org.
[Back to index of May articles]
|
|
